Week 6: Active Listening
Building Stronger Connections
When we think about great communication, we often imagine eloquent speeches, perfectly worded emails, or a compelling team presentation. But one of the most powerful tools a leader—or really, any professional—can develop has nothing to do with what you say.
It’s about what you hear. And that’s where the skill of active listening is key.
Active listening is more than nodding politely while someone else talks. It's about being fully present, tuning in to what's said and what's not said, and creating the kind of environment where people feel safe enough to speak their truth. And when you do it well, you don’t just hear people—you empower them.
In previous posts, we've talked about how building trust and creating a supportive team culture are key to great leadership. Active listening takes those values and puts them into action. It helps de-escalate conflict, increases engagement, and builds the kind of psychological safety that allows people to do their best work.
So, let’s talk about how you actually do it.
Step 1: Be Present—Really Present
Active listening starts with shutting off the mental autopilot. You know the one: you’re hearing words, nodding politely, but your brain is somewhere between your inbox and your lunch plans. Or, even worse, you’re so busy formulating what you’re going to say next that you miss most of what the other person is saying.
Being present means making eye contact, putting down your phone, closing your laptop, and removing distractions—both external and internal. It’s about giving someone your full attention, not because you have to, but because you truly value what they have to say. (If you don’t value what they have to say, that’s another problem entirely!)
Step 2: Ask Open-Ended Questions
Once you're tuned in, invite the other person to open up. Avoid yes/no questions and opt instead for ones that begin with “What” or “How.” These questions create space for people to express thoughts they might otherwise hold back or not even consider.
A question like “What’s holding this up for you?” invites honesty and opens a door to clarity. It also signals to your team member that you’re not just looking for a quick answer—you’re genuinely interested in their perspective.
Step 3: Reflect and Clarify
One of the most underrated steps in active listening is reflecting what you’ve heard. That might sound like, “So what I’m hearing is…” or “It sounds like you’re feeling unsure because…” This not only confirms your understanding, but it gives the other person a chance to refine or clarify their own thoughts.
Let me give you a real-life example.
I once had a team member who kept putting off an assignment. Week after week, there were excuses—other tasks came up, priorities shifted, time got away from him. I’ll admit, my first instinct was frustration. But instead of confronting him with that frustration, I took a breath, asked a few open-ended questions, and really listened.
What came out was surprising.
He admitted—somewhat sheepishly—that he wasn’t sure how to do the assignment. He didn’t think he had the skills or experience to pull it off, and he was afraid he’d fail. By listening carefully, reflecting what I heard, and giving him the space to be honest, we uncovered the real issue.
And then we fixed it—together.
I helped him find the support he needed, and he completed the assignment successfully. But more than that, he felt heard, and I gained a deeper level of trust from someone who now knew I had his back.
Step 4: Respond Thoughtfully and Follow Through
Once someone opens up to you, your response matters. Resist the urge to jump into “fix-it” mode right away. Acknowledge what’s been shared, express appreciation for their honesty, and then talk about next steps together.
Following up is crucial. Active listening doesn’t end when the conversation does. It continues in your actions, your availability, and your willingness to check in.
Quick Reference: The Active Listening Formula
Be present and remove distractions
Ask open-ended, curiosity-driven questions
Reflect and clarify to ensure mutual understanding
Respond thoughtfully and follow through
Pro Tip: People feel more connected to leaders who truly listen—not just to respond, but to understand. Listening well isn’t passive; it’s one of the most active things you can do.
Call to Action
This week, pick one situation—maybe it’s a check-in with a direct report or a conversation with a colleague—and make a conscious effort to practice active listening. Use the steps I’ve described above, and pay attention to any differences in the dynamic.
Are you hearing more? Are they sharing more? Are you both walking away with greater clarity and respect?
Then take a moment to reflect: What would it look like if this became a habit, not an exception?
Start small, listen big—and watch your leadership grow.
If you’d like to go deeper into the REAL Values that Relaxed Leaders live by, then check out these articles from our archives:
RESPECT is a great place for any leader to start.
ENGAGE effectively with others (and the world).
ACCEPT others because of their differences, not in spite of them.
LEAD with these REAL values and learn to relax!